The Common Dilemma: When Your Partner Refuses Therapy
I often receive calls about couples therapy, with someone asking how to get their partner to agree to therapy. As a therapist, my first worry is always safety. If you are in a situation with abuse, safety is the priority. There is help via The National Domestic Hotline:
Seeking couples counseling with a partner who refuses to attend is a complex issue, and I’m often asked whether the person calling me should threaten to leave, issue an ultimatum, or make an appointment for their partner. Drs. John and Julie Gottman, renowned experts in relationship therapy, offer tools and techniques to improve communication and build stronger connections. Visit their website for more insights.
When one partner is unwilling to attend therapy, it can feel frustrating and hopeless. However, there are effective alternatives that can still create meaningful change in your relationship. Individual therapy can help change the dynamics of a relationship, even if your partner refuses couples therapy.
YOU can make a difference in the relationship even if your partner refuses to go to therapy.
If you’re feeling stuck or unsure of how to proceed, reaching out to a therapist can provide clarity and support.
Remember, change begins with one person
—and that person can be YOU!
The Power of Individual Therapy
If your partner refuses couples therapy, individual therapy can be a powerful tool to improve your relationship. By working on your own behaviors, communication style, and boundaries, you can influence the dynamics of the partnership.
How Individual Changes Ripple Through Relationships
Think of it like dropping a pebble into a pond: the ripples from one small change can create a larger impact over time. A therapist can help you gain insight into your thoughts and feelings, teach you effective communication techniques, and guide you through role-playing scenarios to navigate difficult conversations.
Navigating the Next Steps in Your Relationship
In therapy, you can explore the next steps in your relationship, whether that means staying, leaving, or taking time to decide. You don’t need your partner’s participation to gain clarity, build confidence, and make informed choices about your future.
Therapy can feel overwhelming to start, and you may feel nervous about finding a therapist, but it can be a wonderful way to navigate the next steps in your relationship.
Resources for Healthy Relationships
https://www.gottman.com/ The Gottman Institute: Over 40 years of research on fostering healthy relationships.
Learn more about John and Julie Gottman's research on same-sex couples.
Gottman Blog: Insightful tips for navigating therapy resistance.
Psychology Today: Practical advice on what to do if your partner refuses therapy.
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