In a world where social media and peer pressure dominate teen life, appearance-targeted bullying has become an alarming trend. From body shaming to the pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards, teens face challenges that can have lasting impacts on their mental health and self-esteem.
Understanding Appearance-Targeted Bullying
This blog addresses appearance-targeted bullying (shaming), a local and nationwide trend across schools. There has been shaming about height, weight, and physical flaws such as scars, freckles, nose shapes, and moles. Body shaming becomes even more complicated when linked to race, gender, sexuality, and disabilities.
Peers focus on body parts, such as those with a thigh gap. Peers tease about teens needing veneers and plastic surgery or Botox. Recently, I have had teen girls asking me about weight loss drugs like Ozempic!
There is peer pressure to change one’s body as a teen, regardless of gender. Boys are shaming each other for being too thin, biceps, chest, and other body part sizes, and using enhancement drugs at dangerous rates to bulk fast and create heavy muscle mass, which has caused ER and PCP visits for injuries, some of which are permanent!
I had a former high school friend reach out to me about her teen daughter who wanted plastic surgery and how her daughter hates her body. The friend felt helpless and heartbroken. The friend, a woman in her late 40s, admitted she has personally had multiple plastic surgeries (tummy tucks, breasts redone), lip fillers, Botox, etc. I feel for them both, as I want to embrace body positivity as a therapist, but I also worry about the examples we set as parents. Our kids look to us first before they look to their peers. How are we talking about our bodies, each other’s, our children’s, and social media clips?
The Role of Social Media
Social media bullying is a permanent problem as the apps can remain permanently in cyberspace and can reappear years later. "Mid“le school photos can resurface in high school, leading to shaming comments like, 'Remember when you were thinner?' or ’ Look how fat you were. Good thing you lost all that weight.'" With the use of filters and AI, pictures can be modified.
Unlike years ago, when parents were teens, the bullying is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, through shared social media apps. Teens have no relief from the shaming and will obsessively read through comments on their social media feeds or others. They will scroll through and re-read comments.
Eating disorders can be triggered as the person being bullied tries to change to fit in or to stop the bullying. The bullying itself may not cause the eating disorder, but it can raise what I call the gremlins. The voices of I am not good enough, thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc. You can fill in the blank after any I AM NOT statement. There is a slippery slope to an eating disorder, which can start with online searches of how to lose weight or eat healthier to the dark sides of algorithms sending teens information on water diets, diuretics, and unsafe health information.
How Parents Can Help
Set an example as a parent – do not pressure your child about their weight
Do not criticize your body or your child’s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=keSPXA-7cC4
Focus on what their bodies can do (exercise, stretch, bend, create, draw, play an instrument).
Support someone being bullied by helping them focus on what they can control. I can’t change that I am 5 foot 4 inches, but I can fix how I take care of my body in other ways. I can focus on strength, not owning a scale, and how I feel in my clothes. Talk with teens bout healthy strength-training options.
Encourage your children to speak up and ask for help. Also, encourage them not to participate in bullying as spectators.
Be aware of photo editing on social media- influencers have tools such as makeup artists on site to enhance or minimize their features. Apps can help with plumping lips, narrowing of waists, accentuating body parts, or minimization. The filters available are ridiculous, and AI adds a new element to what we see. I joke with my clients about specific celebrities and how they will sneeze one day, and their parts will fly off like a Mr./Mrs. Potato Head figure—an ear here, a nose there.
Explain to kids what bullying is and why it is unacceptable. Share how bullies want power and believe they are better than the victim. Teens often do not report bullying or stand up to their bullies. They need to feel safe and supported to confide in someone they trust, whether it's a teacher, coach, therapist, parent, school counselor, or friend.
Work on standing up for oneself. It is not easy, but it can be helpful if teens work on this skill.
Encourage activities your child enjoys to help them gain confidence. As parents, we may have struggled with fitting in in high school, and our kids' navigating bullying can trigger us. How can you support your child when you feel you've returned to your high school experiences? How do you help your teen with negative self-talk? We all feel small, ashamed, unseen, or unheard.
https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/reframing-negative-thoughts/
https://www.sedonasky.org/blog/how-to-handle-negative-self-talk-in-teens
Peer groups change. Encourage your teen to seek out new friends. Is there someone in their drama club, on a team, or in a class they like but have not considered engaging with as a friend?
Encourage a 50% reduction in social media use, as it has been shown to increase teens' feelings about their weight and appearance significantly. Our kids are exposed to 6-8 hours of daily screen time, including promos of influencers who are models or celebrities promoting fashion, cosmetics, and products.
When to Seek Professional Help
Seek help for your child through their school or with therapists. Watch for signs of changes in school attendance, sleep, appetite, changes in peers, especially loss of peers, sudden weight loss, avoidance of social situations, cutting behavior, and self-bruising, and take talk of suicide seriously. Bullying can have lifelong impacts on our kids and can impact future relationships with peers, partners, and workplaces.
Encouraging Resilience in Teens
Talk with your teens about their experiences. Instead of using the term bullying, you can ask them what their peers say about appearance, what they do if they witness body shaming, whether their peers are shaming each other and in what ways, and what they can do if they are being shamed or witnessing it. We can empower teens by supporting them, guiding them, and explaining appearance-targeted shaming.
Comments